Forming a bond with a step child can be the taughest and most embarrassing task a step parent has to meet. In fact, most of the burden stems from being artificial all along the way. Step parents are often accused of not behaving naturally. Their kindness is seen as hypocrisy when they’re  too kind,  and their constructive firmness is often taken for rigidity and harshness.  They can be loved on sight or hated forever. It all depends on the step child who can be few months or thirty years old. This is why most step parents try their energy at winning their step children sympathy. However, blinded by the determination to achieve that  goal, they might commit mistakes which only make matters worse.

The step parents’ relation with or attitude about the absent parent can forge or break the connection with the step child.  Most step parents try to take the place of the absent parent in case they’re dead or to stigmatise them if they are alive but chose to stay elsewhere, which is not fruitful at all because even if it is likely to improve the relation with the child in the short term, it ruins mutual trust as they start to grow up. Step parenting doesn’t mean conquesting the child’s mind and history and it doesn’t suggest isolating these , likewise. It’s all about harmlessly introducing oneself as a new member of the household. This is often easier said than done, as many many step parents have to face hostility from the absent parent, stubbornness from the step child and indifference from the partner whose cooperation and support are supposed to soften much of the hardship. Yet, there is till hope that the following recommendations may help step parents figure it out :

  • Determination, patience and tolerance are fundamental key words.
  • If you’re a step parent, always remember you are not a real parent and consequently don’t behave as one.
  • Focus on shared activities and try to recognise their skills and praise their achievements.
  • Make comments even if they’re not approved of and ask questions even if they’re not responded to.
  • In case of disagreement, don’t argue with the partner especially if it has to do with discipline and education.
  • Broach whatever sensitive subject away from the step children and try not damage the partner’s authority nor denigrate the absent parent.